First Draft
All Black
Dead Silence
INT. ROBS ROOM. DAY
Montage of ROB getting ready for
school. Alarm Clock goes off. Close up of tie being done up. Picks up bag and
walks out of the doors.
Put Headphone on (Music Volume
increasing into the score)
EXT. ROAD. DAY
ROB bumps into a strange looking
man
*Music Stops Dead*
ROB
Oh sorry, mate
STRANGER
(GRUMBLES AND
MUTTERS UNDERNEATH HIS BREATH)
EXT. ALLEYWAY. DAY
ROB is grabbed by the STRANGER
and thrown into a nearby wall. (Fast Editing is used in this short fight scene)
Close up of neck tie, STRANGER
onto ROB’S neck in a firm grip.
ROB grabs a nearby pole and hits
the stranger.
STRANGER drops dead to the ground
ROB
What have I done?
(Dropping the Pole
and staring at his hands)
ROB runs away leaving the body
behind twitching
*Fade to black
Opening sequence begins
This is the first draft our group came up with for our Thrillers opening sequence.
Second Draft
ROB stands at the front door and
puts headphones on (Music Volume increasing into the score)
EXT. ROAD. DAY
ROB bumps into a strange looking
man
*Music Stops Dead*
ROB
Oh sorry, mate
STRANGER
(GRUMBLES AND
MUTTERS UNDERNEATH HIS BREATH)
EXT. ALLEYWAY. DAY
ROB is grabbed by the STRANGER
and thrown into a nearby wall. (Fast Editing is used in this short fight scene)
Close up of neck tie, STRANGER
onto ROB’S neck in a firm grip.
ROB grabs a nearby pole and hits
the stranger.
STRANGER drops dead to the ground
ROB
What have I done?
(Dropping the Pole
and staring at his hands)
ROB runs away leaving the body
behind twitching
INT. ROBS ROOM. DAY
ROB lies in bed sleeping waking
up at the sound of an alarm clock within the room. Removing the covers he walks
to the cupboard.
INT. ROBS BATHROOM. DAY
Stands in front of the mirror
preparing for work as he does his tie he stops half way looking at a mark on
the side of his neck.
ROB stops looking at the mark and
moves back to look at himself in the mirror.
Staring at the mirror he quickly
jumps back as he looks at the mirror in fear. The STRANGER standing behind him
close to the bathroom door.
ROB
(TURNS AROUND TO
FIND THE MAN NO LONGER BEHIND HIM)
ROB
JOHN…… YOU UP HERE?
(He asks hesitantly
but quite loud)
INT. KITCHEN. DAY
JOHN
Nah!! Im downstairs
eating cereal, why?
INT. BATHROOM. DAY
ROB
Nothing!!!! Must be
my imagination, too much stress from the new project
(Uttering the last
phrase under his breath)
*Fade to Black
We changed our first draft feeling that it lacked practicality and a build in tension causing it to look less like a opening to a thriller and more like a cheap action from a low budget movie.
Third Draft
ROB stands at the
front door and puts headphones on (Music Volume increasing into the score)
EXT. ROAD. DAY
ROB bumps into a
strange looking man
*Music Stops Dead*
ROB
Oh
sorry, mate
STRANGER
(GRUMBLES
AND MUTTERS UNDERNEATH HIS BREATH)
EXT. ALLEYWAY. DAY
ROB is grabbed by
the STRANGER and thrown into a nearby wall. (Fast Editing is used in this short
fight scene)
Close up of neck
tie, STRANGER onto ROB’S neck in a firm grip.
ROB grabs a nearby
pole and hits the stranger.
STRANGER drops dead
to the ground
ROB
What
have I done?
(Dropping
the Pole and staring at his hands)
ROB runs away leaving
the body behind twitching
INT. ROBS ROOM. DAY
ROB lies in bed
sleeping waking up at the sound of an alarm clock within the room. Removing the
covers he walks to the cupboard.
INT. ROBS BATHROOM.
DAY
Stands in front of
the mirror preparing for work as he does his tie he stops half way looking at a
mark on the side of his neck.
ROB stops looking
at the mark and moves back to look at himself in the mirror.
Staring at the
mirror he quickly jumps back as he looks at the mirror in fear. The STRANGER
standing behind him close to the bathroom door.
ROB
(TURNS
AROUND TO FIND THE MAN NO LONGER BEHIND HIM)
He walks out of the
bathroom into the hallway
ROB sees the man outside the hallway window and
sprints down the stairs to find the front door open wide causing him to stare
in both shock and fear at the door.This script draft took the previous dialogue in draft 2 and scrapped it due to all of our group feeling that it just looked a bit cheesy especially at the piece of dialogue that says "Nah! I'm downstairs eating cereal, why?" which kind off took away from the movie and was in fact unnessary.
Final Script Decision
ROB stands at the
front door and puts headphones on (Music Volume increasing into the score)
EXT. ROAD. DAY
ROB bumps into a
strange looking man
*Music Stops Dead*
ROB
Oh
sorry, mate
STRANGER
(GRUMBLES
AND MUTTERS UNDERNEATH HIS BREATH)
EXT. ALLEYWAY. DAY
ROB is grabbed by
the STRANGER and thrown into a nearby wall. (Fast Editing is used in this short
fight scene)
Close up of neck
tie, STRANGER onto ROB’S neck in a firm grip.
ROB grabs a nearby
pole and hits the stranger.
STRANGER drops dead
to the ground
ROB
What
have I done?
(Dropping
the Pole and staring at his hands)
ROB runs away leaving
the body behind twitching
INT. ROBS ROOM. DAY
ROB lies in bed
sleeping waking up at the sound of an alarm clock within the room. Removing the
covers he walks to the cupboard.
INT. ROBS BATHROOM.
DAY
Stands in front of
the mirror preparing for work as he does his tie he stops half way looking at a
mark on the side of his neck.
ROB stops looking
at the mark and moves back to look at himself in the mirror.
Staring at the
mirror he quickly jumps back as he looks at the mirror in fear. The STRANGER
standing behind him close to the bathroom door.
ROB
(TURNS
AROUND TO FIND THE MAN NO LONGER BEHIND HIM)
He walks out of the
bathroom into the hallway
ROB sees the man outside the hallway window and
sprints down the stairs to find the front door open wide causing him to stare
in both shock and fear at the door.We felt like this was the best of the three drafts as it seemed to create the most suspense out of all of them, the kind of elements crucial to creating a successful thriller opening.
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